Object of my Obsession
by MourningBlade
Summary: Lily Evans was James Potter's 'what if' girl. The girl who got away. The one he could never win over no matter what he tried. But two years after Hogwarts,James is finally over her. Or is he? How will James react when Sirius decides to woo her?
1. Chapter 1

It was, without a doubt, a bloody _fantastic_ sight. Pert, toned, and barely covered with the world's tiniest pair of white shorts, Lily Evans' arse bounced enticingly just ahead of him-every bloke's wet dream. Her wavy locks, restrained by a hated hair tie, streamed like a red flag behind her. She turned her head over her shoulder to look at him, her green eyes sparkling mischievously.

"You'll never win from back there, Potter." She taunted, increasing her pace slightly.

James hid a grin, quickening his stride as well. He was, of course, _letting_ her win. His legs were much longer and he was in fantastic shape. If he was determined, really _determined_ to beat her, she wouldn't stand a chance. But he wasn't stupid. Why lap her when he could enjoy the view? As long as she didn't trounce him, too badly, James was content to leave things as they were.

"What can I say, Evans, you're too damn fast." he replied smoothly.

A tell-tale puffing at his side indicated that Padfoot had--finally--decided to catch up.

"_Damn!_" Sirius exclaimed, staring at Lily's perfectly formed bum.

She clicked her tongue at him, misinterpreting his curse. "One day, perhaps, you boys will be able to keep up with me--_if I let you_."

"Why," huffed Sirius, slightly out of breath. "the hell would we _wan_t to, and spoil such a perfectly _lovely _view."

James flinched, preparing himself for Lily's outraged retort. She surprised the hell out of him by laughing.

"Perve all you want, Black, I'm way out of your league."

"Admit it, Evans, you want me." was Padfoot's charming reply.

"I'm sorry," Lily said in mock concern. "But I'm afraid all of that running has made you delirious."

Lily tossed her head and took off, as she always did, sprinting for the finish line and crossing well-ahead of the rest.

"Good work, Evans." Mad-eye Moody said grudgingly.

He turned to the rest of the Auror class--all men--with barely controlled contempt.

"And as for you lot! Bloody disgraceful, that's what! I should kick the lot of you out on your worthless arses."

Moody continued to rant but no one was listening. Evans was stretching, her perfect arse high in the air as she bent over to touch her toes.

Sirius was bent over at the waist, panting to catch his breath. James stood next to him, unable to take his eyes off of _her_. She tilted to one side, shaking her bum slightly as she did so.

"Earth to Prongs!" Sirius said loudly in his ear. "Come in, Prongs!"

James shook his head, eyes still on Evans. "I'm sorry? What was that?" He replied distractedly.

Sirius chuckled. "You, my friend, are _so_ not over her."

James peeled his eyes from Evans and redirected them towards his mate.

"Don't you ever get tired of being wrong, Pads? I gave up on Evans years ago--sixth year in fact. I'm with Christine now, remember?"

Sirius laughed. "You might _think_ you are. You might even tell yourself you are. But every day, when she shakes that delectable arse, you completely space out."

James shrugged. "So? So do _you._ So do _they_." James gestured towards the rest of the Auror class, most of whom were ogling Evans every bit as shamelessly as James had. "Doesn't mean I still fancy her, any more than they do. Or you do for that matter. It's hormones."

Sirius cast him a skeptical look, folding his arms. "Right." he scoffed. "Oh, I'm totally buying that."

James sighed. "It's been nearly two years since Hogwarts, Padfoot, and nearly twice that since I last asked her out. I've dated _loads_ of girls in that time. And now I have Christine and things with her are getting serious. I do _not_, still fancy Evans."

"Ok." Padfoot grinned. "Fine. Then you won't mind if I ask her out?"

"Ask who out?" a mild-sounding feminine voice said behind them.

James and Sirius turned towards the voice.

"Christine!" James grinned, taking her hand and planting a chaste kiss on the back of it. Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Hello, James. Afternoon, Sirius." She replied politely in the same mild tone, as she smoothed down her brown robes.

"Christine." Sirius acknowledged, his eyes flitting over to Evans, who was now sprawled out on the ground, her legs open wide as she leaned into another deep stretch.

"Ask who out?" she repeated, favoring them both with a sweet smile.

"Evans." Padfoot replied casually. "I was telling James that if he's sure he--"

"Thinks that you should settle down." James cut him off hastily. It wasn't as if he had anything to hide--he didn't. But he didn't want Christine to know about his past with Lily. Or rather lack there of. Somehow, he didn't think that even the easy-going Christine would be able to take tales of his past obsession in stride.

Sirius cast him an odd, sideways look. "If he's sure he _'thinks that I should settle down' _then I was going to ask out Evans."

"Are you planning on trying to domesticate, Sirius?" Christine said with a laugh, her hand demurely covering her mouth as she giggled.

"For the right girl." He said in a bored tone.

"Then I think you might have set your sights on the wrong one." Christine replied, frankly.

Both James and Sirius turned to her in surprise. It was the closest to insulting someone that they'd ever heard Christine come. She was the sort that actively looked for this good in everyone.

"Not that I mean she isn't a lovely girl!" Christine corrected hastily. "She's very..."

"She's a hellcat!" Sirius said affectionately.

Christine's tiny nose wrinkled in disgust at Sirius' choice of words. "She's very _passionate_. But she's hardly the type to consider settling down and raising a family. Not the type that a gentleman would want to bring home to meet his mother."

Sirius shrugged. "I doubt you'd want to meet the type of girl my dear old mum would be interested in seeing for a daughter-in-law. Besides, lucky for me, I'm no longer constrained by the tedious rules of pureblood society. I can date or shag whoever I want."

If possible, Christine looked even more disgusted. James decided to take control of the situation before things got out of hand and Padfoot said something unforgivably, to Christine's way of thinking, appalling.

"Go ahead and ask her Pads." James said nonchalantly. "But there's no way you stand a chance."

Sirius grinned again. "If you're _sure_ you don't mind."

Christine tucked a loose strand of her light brown hair behind her ear. "Why would he mind?"

"He wouldn't." James said to her smoothly. "He _doesn't._" He said emphatically, casting Sirius a warning glance.

Again a shrug. "If you say so." Padfoot turned towards Lily, who was now standing and brushing bits of dirt off the seat of her pants.

"Hey Evans!" He called.

"Black?" She acknowledged, walking over to join them.

"You remember James I'm sure..." Sirius said, gesturing.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Black. We were all in the same class at Hogarts. He was Head Boy. I was Head Girl. We've been out for two years in the same bloody Auror training class. I think it's safe to say I remember him."

Sirius smiled, unphased. "And this lovely young bird is his current girlfriend, Christine Miller."

Christine extended a smooth, white hand, smiling at Lily. Lily accepted, shaking firmly.

"Charmed." Lily said, sounding anything but. Christine didn't appear to notice. "So," Lily said impatiently. "As fun as this all is, I'm assuming you didn't call me over for a little class reunion..."

"You. Me. Dinner tonight. What do you say?" Padfoot flashed her his patented make-the-girls-melt grin. It almost always worked.

James hid a smile. _Not this time, mate_, he thought smugly. _No way, Evans will go out with you_. She had, after all, refused _James_ loudly and vehemently every time _he'd_ asked her, and Sirius was ten times worse than he was. But to his dismay, Evans didn't look at all offended. She looked speculative. She was...smiling...in an oddly flirtatious way.

James felt an odd clenching in his heart coupled with a tightening in his throat, and a powerful desire to punch Sirius' face into a bloody pulp. Desperation took him. He was _not_...he couldn't even allow himself to think it. Thinking it made it real.

Ignoring the two others, James turned quickly to his girlfriend.

"You brought me lunch, dear?" He said in an overly affectionate tone that sounded fake even in his own ears. "You're an angel."

Impetuously, he grabbed Christine and kissed her. Christine went rigid in his arms--she hated public displays of affection. At this point James didn't care. He had to do _something. _But Christine was pulling away, annoyance all over her face.

Padfoot and Evans were watching them.

"Sorry." he mumbled to Christine, who looked extremely disgruntled.

"It's quite all right, James." She said evenly, straightening her rumpled robes.

Lily's eyes narrowed. She turned to Sirius. "Sure."

"_What?!_" James yelped in disbelief, unable to help himself.

Sirius cast him another of those side-long, knowing glances. It annoyed the _hell _out of him.

Padfoot grinned again. "Brilliant. Seven o'clock then?"

Lily smiled back, a dazzling smile that revealed the dimples hidden in either cheek. James was more than annoyed. Evans had never favored _him_ with one of those. "I'll meet you--" She began.

"At my place." Sirius cut her off. "Number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London."

"Fantastic." She said, turning away.

"And Evans?"

She turned back.

"Wear something _sexy_." Sirius said huskily, winking at her.

James waited. Surely, _surely_, Lily would be offended. She'd have hexed _his_ balls off if he'd said such a thing to her...

She winked back, blowing Padfoot a kiss, which he 'caught' and 'pocketed' for later.

_What the hell was wrong with her?_

Padfoot turned to James, a triumphant grin on his face.

"Boy. You were right mate. That was _brutally hard_. Took _tons_ of effort and convincing. Sure was tricky there at the end. Thought she'd never say yes."

"Yeah, yeah." James grumbled, avoiding his mate's eyes. He offered Christine his arm. "Escort you, back?"

She accepted, stiffly, still miffed with him about the kiss.

* * *

James leaned on the door frame to the loo, his arms folded casually, and watched as Sirius adjusted his tie for the hundredth time, trying to get it just _so_.

"It looked fine the way you had it." He commented dryly.

Sirius cast him a scathing look. "That shows what you know. Fine won't cut it. Not for Evans. It has to be perfect."

James rolled his eyes. "You're such a girl. She'll never even notice."

Sirius continued his adjustments. "That attitude, is precisely why you were never able to seal the deal with her. _I_,on the other hand, intend to get laid sometime this millennium."

James eyes narrowed dangerously. "And what, _exactly_, are your intentions, Sirius?"

Padfoot grinned at his reflection in the mirror. "Oh, pure I assure you. It's high time I thought about setting down. Finding a nice girl."

"Padfoot," James said, his annoyance obvious in his tone. "You're barely twenty-one years old. Most blokes don't even consider settling down this early."

Sirius shrugged. "I'll need to settle down early if I want to whelp a litter. And I think Evans might be just the bird to help with that." He grinned at the shade of red James' face was turning. "I'll bet she shags like a minx."

"_'Whelp a litter'?_" James hissed through clenched teeth. "_'Shags like a minx?'_"

Sirius grinned broader. "Oh, we don't like that idea _one little bit do we_? Never mind that we don't want Evans for ourselves..."

"It--it's not that." He sputtered. "It--'whelping' and 'shagging' are not proper terms to use in conjunction with a lady."

"That, my friend, is because you've been with Christine Miller so long you've forgotten what a decent shag is."

James fists clenched at his sides. "Not that it's _any_ of your business, but Christine and I _do_ shag, thank you very much."

Sirius shook his head, a look of pity in his eyes. "Oh, _Prongs_! Missionary is _not_ shagging."

James flushed, disconcerted by just how accurate Padfoot was.

"Christine is a nice girl!" he defended loyally. "She's a _lady_."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "She's _bloody boring_, that's what." Sirius went to work on his hair, which, as always, fell into place with a casual perfection that James always envied.

"She's not--"

"She _is._" Sirius insisted. "Not that she isn't a nice sort of girl, in her own way. But she's certainly no Evans."

"No." James said quietly, held fast in the in the clutches of the heart ripping sensation that had caused him to grab Christine and kiss her earlier. "No, she's not. But I love her, Sirius. She'll make a fine wife and Mum one day."

"Right." Sirius said skeptically, then he softened. "I'm sure she will, Prongs. But," He paused.

"But?" James prompted.

"But I'm just surprised at you. I mean, Christine is the sort of girl your Mum used to try and fix you up with. All manners, no _fire_! I hardly know you anymore!"

James shrugged. "Maybe I've decided that Mum was right."

Sirius sighed. "Alright then. You sure you don't mind about me and Evans? I mean to marry her if I can..."

James fists clenched. "No." He managed, in a passable tone. "Not at all. Go for it, if you can, mate. She's more your type now anyway."

"Used to be yours." Sirius mumbled.

"Didn't catch that?" James said.

The bell rang.

"Nothing. Can you get that before Mum wakes up? Don't want Evans to hear that wretched thing shrieking about blood-traitors."

James sighed. "Fine."

Truth to tell, the _last thing _he wanted to do was see Lily--_his Lily_--all decked out for a date with his best mate. He could hardly admit it though, so down the stairs to the door he went.

Drawing in a deep breath, he flung open the door. He froze, staring at her, his only thought was 'black dress.'

"E--Evans..." he choked out.

"Potter." Lily acknowledged casually, brushing past him into the foyer without a second glance. His eyes followed her, unable to help himself.

"Sirius is upstairs." He said around the lump in his throat. "He'll be a few..."

She brushed back her tumble of loose waves. "Mind if I use the loo?"

Weakly, he nodded. "Down the hall to the right."

She was gone for only a moment. When she emerged, she was fiddling with the back of her dress.

"Bollocks!" she cursed the stubborn zipper. "Potter? Would you mind?"

He approached her, hands shaking. She grabbed her hair, pulling it over her shoulder and clear of the path of the zipper.

His eyes drank in the sight--her smooth, alabaster skin--as his finger tips pinched the zipper. The zipper was, indeed, stuck. It held fast. It didn't help that he couldn't stop trembling. He'd never been this close to her before. And he'd most certainly never touched her. Yet here he was, his fingers brushing her bare skin, softer than the silk of her dress. He swallowed.

"Well, well." Padfoot said, startling James. "And just what do we have here?"

Lily whirled, turning to face Sirius with another of those smiles that froze James' heart.

"Finally!" She said in relief. "A man who can get the job done." She gestured towards her bare back. "Zippers stuck." She explained. "And Potter is bloody useless."

"Is he indeed?" Sirius smirked, walking towards Lily and placing his hands boldly on her waist, turning her around to examine. Padfoot ran his hands slowly down her spine. James' eyes narrowed, his fists clenched. Padfoot really was awful. He shouldn't be taking advantage!

But what bothered him even more was the fact that _she_ didn't seem troubled in the slightest.

"Hmm." She murmured as Sirius slowly zipped the dress.

"Keep that up, love," Sirius whispered, leaning into Evans. "And we'll be doing the reverse."

WHAM!!! They both jumped, turning to look at him.

"My...hand slipped." He said lamely, rubbing his sore fist. The wall was _bloody hard_.

"Well." Sirius said shortly. "I suppose we should be on our way." Sirius wrapped his arm around Lily's waist, escorting her towards the door. "Don't wait up."

And then James was alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Two weeks. Against all odds, Padfoot had been seeing Evans for _two weeks_! Not that James was counting. _What the hell does she see in him?_ He didn't get it, he _really_ didn't. He couldn't think of two people more unsuited for each other. Not that his opinion mattered--it clearly didn't. The pair went out at seven sharp every evening, meeting _here_ where James was forced to see, with Sirius always telling him not to wait up. It was driving James ruddy _insane._ He'd given up the pretense--to himself at least--that it wasn't. Yeah, right. As if he could sleep wondering what the _hell_ Pads was doing with her--_to_ her--until 3am. He had a sinking feeling that he knew _precisely_ what they were doing. It was Padfoot after all...

This should not be bothering him. He had a _girlfriend_. A sweet, charming, caring, dependable _girlfriend_. But it was. He supposed that he could go out as well, but Christine _never_ went out on week nights. With Moony under cover for the Order and Wormtail acting..._loopy_, there was really no one to go out with. So James stayed in, waiting in the front room for Padfoot to come home, and pretending to read. It was a measure of how low he'd sunk.

"Hey mate." Pads said, loosening his tie and flinging himself carelessly into the arm chair next to James.

"Hey." he sounded pissed and he knew it.

"I told you not to wait up." Sirius pointed out, kicking off his shoes.

"Couldn't sleep." he mumbled.

"Ah, mate, how _sweet_! It's like having my dear old mum back again."

James smiled inspite of himself. "I really don't think I want to know what your 'dear old mum' would have to say about you dating Evans."

Sirius grinned back. "I _know_. It's rather the best part." He paused. "Well that and the snogging."

James gripped his book so hard that his knuckles turned white. "Right." Was his tight-lipped reply.

Sirius was smirking. "Well _someone's_ in a pissy mood. Wonder why _that _might be?"

James refused, stalwartly _refused_, to rise to the bait. Imitating Moony at his most distainful, James stared at the page in front of him.

Sirius cleared his throat. "So anyway. Lily has this crazy idea in her head about going to some Muggle nightclub--a _saul-zuh _joint she called it. And she thought it might be fun if you and Christine joined us."

James looked up, raising an eyebrow. Somehow he very much doubted that.

Sirius sighed. "Ok. _I_ think it'd be fun if you and Christine joined us. Frankly, I'm not too thrilled about the idea of an evening surrounded by Muggles. I'm not really even sure why Lily's so set on this dive anyway..." Sirius paused and shrugged. "Probably just wants to shake her arse for my viewing pleasure, the sultry little _tease_."

The book ripped in half in James' hands. Sirius eyed him curiously.

"Something wrong mate?"

James shrugged, trying and failing, to appear nonchalant. "Book was old."

Sirius snatched up the front cover, turning it over and flipping to the copyright. "Published this year, huh?"

He was grinning that knowing grin again.

"Poor quality then." James covered quickly.

Sirius shook his head. "Nice try, mate. Why don't you just admit it?"

"Admit what?"

Sirius chucked the ruined cover into the fireplace. "Not that your denial really _matters_ at this point." He cast James a measuring glance. "Even if you _did_ admit it, mate, that ship has sailed. I've come to fancy her quite a bit myself. So you can forget me dropping her."

James sighed. "Why would I want you to? _I'm_ with _Christine_."

Padfoot rolled his eyes, "Don't remind me."

James shifted uneasily. Perhaps he _should_ tell Padfoot--what exactly? _I'm not interested in Evans but I don't want you to be either?_ _The thought of you and her together alternately makes me sick or fills me with the desire to rip your bloody head off?_ It sounded crazy. It _was_ crazy. Sirius continued to watch him.

"So are you and Christine coming or what?"

James considered it. Wouldn't seeing what they were doing first hand be better than staying at home and _wondering_? Perhaps if he saw them together, as a couple, he could get a grip. He needed a little closure, that was all. This might be the perfect time to get it. _If_ he could convince Christine...

James sighed. "I'll try and talk her into it."

"Good."

* * *

"She didn't mention anything that might have kept her?" Christine asked for the tenth time in as many minutes.

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Are you _sure_ we needn't worry?" Christine persisted, concern evident in her tone.

James smiled. That was Christine, always worried for the safety of others.

"I think," Sirius replied, checking his watch. "it's called being _fashionably_ late."

"But--" Christine started to protest. She was cut off by the bell.

Sirius all but flung open the door in his haste to escape Christine. James frowned. He never did understand why Padfoot had a problem with Christine. Christine was perfect. Sweet, kind, never raising her voice...

"Lily, darling!" Sirius pulled the red-head in the door and into his arms, kissing either cheek in the continental fashion. James averted his gaze, stalwartly ignoring the sickly-sweet sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"Sorry I'm late." Lily said to Sirius, ignoring James and Christine entirely.

"We were worried." Christine put in.

Lily tossed her hair in that _particular_ way she always did when she was extremely annoyed and gave Sirius a look. Sirius chuckled and shook his head.

"You remember James' girlfriend, Christine, I trust?" He was grinning.

"Mmm-hmm." Lily's eyes flitted breifly to Christine, who was smoothing down her long, Muggle-style skirt, and then quickly back to Sirius. "Are you quite ready then?"

"_We've_ been ready." Sirius replied, looking pointedly at James and Christine.

"_We?_" Lily's eyebrow arched.

"Uh...yeah." Sirius appeared to sense he was entering dangerous territory. "Didn't I mention that James and Christine would be joining us?"

Her eyes narrowed. She was pissed. James hid a grin. He would _not_ want to be in Padfoot's shoes right now.

"No, no you most certainly didn't." Her hand was on her hip now.

"Apologies, love, must have slipped my mind." He wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her into a long, sensual kiss. James' heart twisted into a knot at the sight of it. They broke apart. James waited for it. Any minute now, her wand would come out and she'd be throwing hexes or threatening too. But...she was _smiling_ at Sirius.

"Fine." Was all she said. "Just see to it that it doesn't happen again."

"Wouldn't dream of it, love. Now stop being rude and greet our guests, _properly."_

Lily leveled a glare at Sirius that should have dropped him where he stood. "_Of course_." She said through clenched teeth, her tone indicating that Sirius had not heard the last of this. James smiled again.

Lily turned to James, extending her hand to him in an overly dramatic fashion, completely ignoring Christine. "Potter." she said shortly. He accepted, pressing it slightly in acknowledgement. A jolt traveled up his arm and and down his spine as her bare skin caressed his.

"Candace." Lily said, offering her hand to Christine. Now that _was_ rude. Lily had been the smartest witch in their year. She was a ruddy genious. There was no way she didn't remember Christine's name.

"It's _Christine_." James corrected abruptly.

Lily's eyes widened in an innocence so perfect it had to be feigned. "Right. Of course. Terribly sorry."

"It's ok." Christine replied, her eyes on the floor. She looked up at Lily. "Is it...cold outside?"

Lily looked at Christine as if she'd sprouted a second head. "No, it's _July._"

Christine averted her gaze again, her cheeks rose-pink.

Sirius grinned broadly at Lily. "The thing about Christine is, she's never direct." He paused and winked. "She means your nipples are showing."

Lily colored slightly, looking down and tugging at her charcoal gray halter-top. "Oops."

James looked. How could he _not_? Sure enough, the outline of her erect nipples were clearly visible through the thin material. _Fantastic._

"Looks fantastic, though." Sirius commented, echoing James' thoughts.

"Would you like to borrow my wrap, Lily?" Christine said sweetly.

"Not a chance!" Sirius cut her off. "I won't have it. Be a damn shame, that's what!"

"That's the last time I buy off the rack." Lily murmured.

Sirius pulled her back against him. "Now, now love. Don't go blaming the shirt for your naughty transgressions. I turn you on. Can't be helped. Why try and fight it?"

"You," she replied, playfully hitting him on the chest. "Are awful!" She glanced at James and Christine, who were standing akwardly to one side. "And we should go."

"Alright then." Sirius agreed, releasing her.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: _

_A few things should be obvious at this point:_

_1. All of the events of this story are seen through James' POV--AKA: limited. _

_2. Sirius, James, and Lily are all OOC. Sirius is well...dating Lily AND teasing James about it. James is subdued--tame. Sirius makes many references to this: "used to be your type," "I don't know what happened to you," etc. Lily is flirtatious with Sirius (let's face it, she should be hexing him through most of this) and rude to Christine--a girl she just met and knows nothing about __other__ than the fact that she is dating James. James makes numerous references to Lily's odd behavior as well: "what the hell is wrong with her," "why isn't she hexing him," etc._

_3. Sirius does not like Christine._

_All of the above are important and plot-related. I promise all will be revealed in the end. I am taking you somewhere GOOD. Those of you who have read "Waste My Time" know that the pay off will be well worth the agony (not that I'm bragging or anything--oh sod it, I am bragging)._

_Now that being said, things between Sirius and Lily are going to __**appear**__ to get worse. Um...a LOT worse. I pretty much guarantee that by the end of this chapter you will feel nauseated and disgusted; there is probably something wrong with you if you don't. I did and I wrote the bloody thing. You will probably hate me. Keep in mind that things aren't always what they seem. Characters can and do have agendas. Obviously, I am expecting a lot of flack regarding this chapter. So read on, duly forewarned._

* * *

Sirius was right, the place _was_ a dive--gaudy colors, dim lights, and a general malaise of atmosphere permeated the establishment. James couldn't help but wonder as the quartet settled into a table adjacent to the dance floor, why in Merlin's name Lily had wanted to come here.

"So Lily," Christine said, removing her wrap. "How did you decide to become an auror?" Christine shifted, smoothing her skirt. "I mean, it's hardly a common career for a lady to pursue."

Lily's eyes snapped to Christine. "Quite simple, actually. I've never been the sort to stand idly by while others are being tormented--not if I can do something to prevent it. _Bullying toerags_ have always grated my nerves." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and stared straight at him when she said this. Of course, James knew _exactly_ what--or rather who--she was referring to. _Snivellous_. How convenient of her to forget that Sirius was just as culpable in that regard as James was. More so, since Sirius had actually attempted murder, in a round-about way, by sending Snape to the Shrieking Shack during Moony's time of the month. James shot a questioning glance at Sirius, who shrugged and grinned back.

"Still," Christine continued. "It must be difficult to compete in a field so dominated by men."

Lily laughed. "Sure. For _them_. I trounce even the smartest of them, like James here, on a regular basis."

James felt suddenly light, irrationally pleased. She thought he was _smart_.

"Hey!" Protested Sirius, looking rather disgruntled.

"Oh don't look so put out, Sirius, you're well aware that I'm only dating you for your looks." She winked.

She thought Sirius was handsome...not so tantalizing.

"I wish _you_ would put out." Sirius grumbled.

James' heart skipped a beat. So they hadn't...? He watched Lily closely, determined to evaluate every nuance of her response. Something akin to outrage flickered so briefly across her face that James would have missed it had he not been watching obsessively. Now _that_ was odd.

"Enough talk." Lily said quickly. Did she sound strained? "Dance with me?"

Sirius shook his head, grinning at her. "Patience, love, patience. We've only just arrived. I'm exhausted. Let's order some drinks and _then_, we'll see."

Lily stood up. "Now _that_," she said with a smirk and a teasing toss of her hair. "is _precisely_ why I don't put out." She turned to Christine. "A smart girl never does till she gets what she wants first."

Christine's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

"Lily's _teasing_, Christine." James hastened to explain, claiming her hand and rubbing it soothingly. At least, he _thought_ she was. "Right, Lily?"

Lily waved her hand dismissively. "Of course."

"So..." Sirius drawled, his eyes on Lily. "Are you saying that if I dance with you, you'll put out?"

Lily shrugged. "There's only one way to find out." Was her flippant reply.

Sirius gave her a once over with his eyes in a way that made James' grip the arm of his chair with his free hand so tightly his fingers went numb.

Sirius shook his head. "Sorry, love, not liking those odds. Maybe James...?"

Both Lily and Sirius turned to look at him.

"Uh...probably not..." he managed, fighting the urge to leap to his feet and lead her to the dance floor. Christine cast him a curious glance, as if she sensed something. He patted her hand again, hoping to soothe any doubts.

Lily's eyes narrowed into slits as she stared at them. "Fine." she said rather sharply. "I'll find someone else."

Now what was _that_ all about? It almost seemed as if she were more upset by _his_ unwillingness to dance that Sirius'.

"Where is she going?" James asked, his eyes following her as she headed out towards a group of Muggles near the dance floor.

Sirius shrugged. "Probably to find some Muggle to dance with."

Christine raised an eyebrow. "And you find this acceptable?"

"Sure. Why not?" Sirius replied in an off-hand manner.

Without realizing it, James' eyes had drifted back to Lily, who was talking to a tall, muscular Muggle. How could Sirius be so calm? She wasn't his girl and it was driving him crazy. Why wasn't Sirius doing something to stop her?

Apparently her query met with a favorable result--how could it not, she was gorgeous--because the Muggle took Lily's hand and lead her out onto the dance floor.

"You...uh...might not feel that way when you see who she's dancing with." James warned Padfoot, nodding in Lily's direction.

Sirius waved his hand dismissively. "Probably a poof. Most male Muggles who can dance are."

"Right." replied James, not at all convinced.

"So, Christine," Sirius said, his voice taking on the carefully modulated tones of 'polite' conversation. "tell me, how _are_ your charming parents?"

Christine brightened immediately. If there was one thing she adored, it was polite conversation. "How _kind_ of you to inquire, Sirius. Daddy's working on..."

At this point, James checked out. When Christine got going, it was worse than any ten high teas conducted by his mother. James made a mental note to strangle Sirius later. His eyes began to wander, finally settling on Lily, who was dancing with the Muggle.

What the _fuck_? He sat up board straight in his chair. Now that most certainly did not qualify as dancing! Lily and her Muggle partner were gyrating in time to the music, bodies a mesh, hands roaming. It looked like they were trying to have sex with their clothes on. True, James was no stranger to the lack of subtly seen in modern Latin dancing, but this was taking it too far.

Before he realized what he was doing, James was on his feet, hands clenched into fists. Startled, Sirius and Christine turned to see what he was staring at.

"Oh for _fucks sake_!" Sirius jumped up too.

James peeled his eyes from Lily long enough to glare at Padfoot. "Poof, huh?"

The Muggle dipped Lily backward, their lower halves pressing together as he drew a hand sensually between the twin swells of her breasts.

"If you don't stop this, Padfoot, _I will_." James hissed through clenched teeth, barely suppressing his rage long enough to speak.

"I'm on it."

Sirius stalked away from the table and towards the dancing pair. James started to follow, but Christine grabbed his arm.

"Sit down." She whispered urgently, her cheeks flushed. "You're making a scene."

He wasn't. No one was paying him the slightest bit of attention. But Christine had very conservative ideas about what constituted 'a scene.'

"It's sweet that you're concerned for Sirius, but let him handle it. He's used to being embarrassed."

Sirius? What the hell was she--oh. _Oh._ Right. He'd momentarily forgotten that Lily wasn't his to defend. Fuck. What was _wrong_ with him? He'd almost...he sat down quickly. Christine gave him a questioning glance.

"Don't want Sirius to be hurt." he mumbled, hating himself for the lie. He hadn't give a flying fuck about Sirius a moment ago. _Lily_ on the other hand, had very much occupied his thoughts.

"Don't worry." Christine said reassuringly. "Sirius is handling it. See?"

James looked up. Sure enough, the Muggle was backing away from Sirius, raising his hands up as if in surrender. Sirius grabbed Lily's hand and whispered to her. She pulled away, gesturing. It was hard to tell from a distance, but they appeared to be arguing. Sirius grabbed her again, but instead of leading her back to the table as James had expected, Sirius pulled Lily flush against him--dancing with her.

And it was worse, a hundred times worse for James than her display with the Muggle. Because this was _Sirius_. His best mate. He couldn't leap to his feet and hex _Padfoot_ for dancing with her. Sirius had every right. She was his girlfriend. James struggled valiantly to control his wildly swinging emotions, which leapt from rage to jealousy to depression in rapid succession.

Well, fan-fucking-tastic. He turned to Christine out of desperation.

"I don't suppose you'd like to..." He asked hopelessly.

Christine favored him with a disgusted look. "You'd suppose right, James. This is _not_ my kind of dancing."

"Right." James replied, running his hands through his hair--something he hadn't done in years. Not since...he flagged down a server.

"A bottle of...whatever has the highest proof."

"James!" Christine admonished.

But James wasn't listening. He accepted the frosted bottle from the waiter and took a swig. Not half bad. A few of these and he'd be good and pissed.

James was half-way through his second bottle when Sirius finally led a pouting Lily back to the table.

"You are no fun!" Lily protested.

Sirius sighed. "Sorry, love, I need a drink. I'm parched." He sat down, looking at James. "See? James has already started without us."

Lily shrugged. "I'm not done, yet!"

"Oh, yes you are." Sirius said in a warning tone. "I'm tired and there is no way I'm letting you dance with a Muggle again. You can't be trusted to behave."

Lily pouted, her full lips puckering most enticingly. She batted her eyelashes. "Please?"

"You heard me." Sirius said, accepting his own bottle from the server.

"But Sirius!"

"I'll do it." James said, his eyes still fixed on her mouth. How the hell could Sirius resist that?

Lily shot Sirius a questioning glance.

Sirius nodded. "James is ok. But no one else."

Lily extended her hand to him, slight smile curving her lips. "I suppose you'll do, Potter."

Now that sounded almost like an insult. Not that he cared, really, because at least he was dancing with her. She led him to the dance floor, weaving expertly through the sea of bodies until she found an open space. James reached out, tentatively putting a hand on her waist and twining the other with hers. She stepped closer.

"Relax, Potter," She said with a smile. "I don't bite. Much."

The music started and James began to move with her in time to the music, being careful to keep himself under tight control. Lily frowned, tugging at his arm and trying to pull their bodies closer together. He resisted.

"What's wrong with you, Potter?" Lily asked after the third try. "You're so stiff it's like dancing with a cadaver."

Now that really wasn't fair. James wanted more than anything to be able to take the same sort of carnal liberties with her that Sirius and the Muggle had. He was a _much_ better dancer than Sirius was. And Lily knew it, too. She'd seen him at their graduation ball. James was constrained by the eyes upon them, by the existence of Sirius and Christine. If only...he cut the thought off firmly. James had a sense of propriety. He wouldn't torture Christine that way, at least. Somehow he got the feeling that Sirius wouldn't mind all that much.

She sighed again. "What _happened _to you? You used to be fun."

James' eyes narrowed, a flash of uncontrollable anger ripping through him. She knew perfectly well! He grabbed her roughly and pulled her against him--hard.

"You sucked that right out of me now didn't you?" He hissed into her ear.

She pushed away from him, green eyes smoldering. Her cheeks flushed and her mouth puckered. She was pissed. He should _not_ be getting turned on by this. He had a girlfriend.

"Don't you dare blame the mess you've made of your life on me, James Potter!" She poked his chest.

James fought the urge to grin. Here at least, he was on familiar ground. Pissed Lily was someone he had plenty of experience dealing with.

"Why not," he replied with a smirk, feeling more alive than he had in ages. "when you know perfectly well that it's true."

Her eyes narrowed. "You are such a bastard, Potter, you know that? Forget it. I think we're through here." She whirled around as if to go, but James wasn't having it. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him, his other hand seeking her waist. Her back arched slightly as their bodies brushed, causing her still erect nipples to press into him. Merlin, he was in trouble.

His hand slid downward, past her hip and to her outer thigh, his fingers curling around it and caressing her gently through the material of her jeans as they moved to the music. He was_, dimly _aware that his actions were bordering on inappropriate. Sirius and Christine were watching, but James couldn't bring himself to care. He leaned inward, breathing in her scent--musk and sandalwood--all _woman_. His lips brushed her neck--a flutter. Dangerous. Very dangerous. He had to maintain control.

"You really shouldn't do things like what you were doing with that Muggle earlier." James murmured, his pulse pounding fiercely. "You'll make Sirius insanely jealous."

Her hand curled around his neck in a possessive manner. He ground into her slightly, wanting her to see what she was doing to him.

"Make _Sirius_ insanely jealous?" Lily replied in a honeyed whisper. "Or make _you_ insanely jealous?"

Oh, _fuck_. James was caught fast in the clutches of something he was powerless to control. He wanted her, wanted her desperately. He turned his head slightly, just wanting to look at her, only to find that her lips were but a breath away from his. Her eyes fluttered closed, her tongue flicking briefly, enticingly across her lips leaving a trail of moisture he longed to lick off.

He pulled away, roughly and abruptly. What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was she doing?

She looked at him in surprise and...disappointment?

"You're right." He growled at her, frustrated by his own sense of honor. "We are finished."

He disentangled himself from her and strode off, every nerve in his body groaning in protest.

If she'd been angry before, now she was positively livid. Her fury was palpable. He could feel it emanating off her in waves as she fell into step beside him.

Sirius and Christine looked up. Padfoot's eyes were slightly glazed, as if he'd had more drink than was good for him, while Christine's eyes were filled with reproach. Fabulous. Bloody brilliant! Lily brushed past him, knocking into to him with her shoulder as she passed, and whispered something into Sirius' ear.

"But Lil...Lily." Sirius' words were slightly slurred. He wasn't completely pissed, but he was close. "James..."

But Lily didn't give Sirius a chance to finish his thought. She twined her hands into his hair, pulling his mouth to hers and crushing it with her lips. Sirius was frozen for only a moment before his hands wrapped around her waist. She was licking, biting, consuming Sirius' swollen lips, her kisses frantic and desperate. James' jaw dropped as he watched them. _That_, he thought as alternating waves of nausea and regret swept over him, _should have been my kiss._ Stupid fuck, he cursed himself. She'd wanted him, _wanted_ him every bit as badly as he'd wanted her. He'd felt it. And he'd pushed her away. If it was the right thing to do, why the hell did it feel so wrong? His hand wandered to his pocket, fiddling with his wand.

Lily pulled away from Sirius, panting slightly. She raised an eyebrow. "Does that answer your question?"

Sirius nodded, pulling a handful of Muggle bills--hundreds--out of his pocket and absently tossing them on the table. He stood, wrapping his arm around Lily.

"I'll catch you later, mate." Sirius said over his shoulder. "Don't wait up."


	4. Chapter 4

_"How many times do I have to tell you 'no' before you get it, Potter?" Lily's hands were perched on her hips._

_James smirked. "What makes you think I have a limit, Evans? I intend to ask you until you say 'yes.' So get used to it."_

_"Do you have some kind of mental deficiency, Potter? I __**detest**__ you. I'm __**never**__ going to say 'yes.' Ever."_

_She tossed her dark red hair over her shoulder, her eyes narrowing into a glare. Her perfect mouth settled into a scowl._

_Merlin, she was gorgeous when she was angry! He ran a hand through his hair, contemplating the advisability of telling her precisely that. He studied her carefully. Her cheeks were flushing with rage. Uh...probably not a good idea. He gave her his most charming grin instead._

_"Then it appears we've reached an impasse, Lily dear, because I __**adore**__ you. And I'm __**never**__ going to stop asking. Ever." He replied, mimicking her tone and inflections._

_She stared back at him in disbelief, her mouth opening and closing--no sound coming out. _

_Ok...maybe now would be a good time to tell her?_

_"And I should probably mention how incredibly gorgeous you are when you're angry." He added, winking at her._

_"You--you--" She sputtered, drawing her wand out and pointing it at him._

_Not good. Really not good. He took a step backward, holding his hands up and hoping to calm her._

_"You are completely __**repugnant**__, Potter! Utterly devoid of any redeeming qualities! I--I'd rather date __**Snape**_!" _She hissed at him, jamming the tip of her wand into his shoulder._

_Ouch. Now that really stung! Snape was repulsive. James was nowhere near that bad. He was moving downward on her list. She used to say that she'd rather date the Giant Squid. Now she'd rather date Snape. Damn. Why couldn't he win with her? He tried, he really did. Things just...tended to go badly when she was around. Maybe he should just grab her and kiss her? Things couldn't get any worse...what did he have to lose? He moved towards her, face set and determined. _

_He'd forgotten her wand._

_"Take one more step, Potter, and there won't be enough left of you to send home in a shoe box to your Mum."_

_Shit. He almost believed her. He hesitated, wondering what to do now. He sighed._

_"Why do you hate me so much, Evans? Why won't you give me a chance?"_

_Her lips curved into a cruel smile, her expressive eyes going cold._

_"Hmm...let's think about that for a moment, shall we Potter?" She tapped her chin, pretending deep contemplation. "I don't have all year, so I'll give you the truncated version." _

_She paused, staring him straight in the eyes. "You're rude, inconsiderate, and too arrogant by half." She ticked the items off on her fingers. "You're nothing but a little boy who's not used to being told 'no.' You have no thoughts or feelings for anyone other than yourself." She drew in a breath. "This whole situation is proof positive of that."_

_"That's not fair and it's not true, Lily." He protested. "I care for you!"_

_"Shut it, Potter! You don't know me. You have no idea what I'm like. So all these 'feelings' you have for me are coming from down there." She brandished her wand towards his crotch._

_"If you cared for me, really cared for me as you claim to, then you'd respect me. You'd leave me the __**hell alone **__when I asked you to!" Sparks were practically flying from her eyes now._

_"But--" he protested weakly._

_"No! You wanted to have this conversation. We're bloody well having it! For once in your miserable existence you're going to listen to something someone else is saying! A novel idea, I know."_

_"Lily..." His voice took on a placating tone. He had to talk her down. This was by far the worst such interaction he'd ever had with her._

_"I will hex you, Potter." She warned, the tip of her wand once again poking him in the shoulder. His mouth snapped shut. Better just give in for now. He could figure out how to fix this later._

_"I want this to end! I've absolutely had it with you! Don't you get that? Can't you see that you're ruining my life with your constant harassment?" She looked desperate now, close to tears._

_"I...I'm sorry." He said softly._

_Tears spilled over her eyelids. She was crying._

_"Sorry?" She exclaimed, choking back a sob. "You're sorry? You're killing me, and all you can say is, you're sorry? Do you have any idea how much you torture me on a daily basis, Potter?"_

_"Lily." He managed around the lump in his throat. "The...last thing I ever want to do is...hurt you."_

_She was crying in earnest now, tears spilling unchecked down her cheeks. Tears he __**longed**__ to kiss away._

_"You have a funny way of showing it, Potter."_

_He'd reduced her to this--made her cry. His Lily. Crying because of him._

_"Ok, Lily." He murmured, feeling as though his heart was ripping from his chest. "You...win. I'll leave you alone." He paused, looking at her carefully. "If that's what you really want."_

_"It is." Her voice wavered._

_"I won't ask you again, then." He turned away. "You have my word, whatever that's worth to you." He walked away, not daring to look back, for fear of losing his resolve._

The Lily of his memory faded into the mists of his mind.

He shifted in his chair. Three am had come and gone. So had four and five. It was time to admit it, however much it pained him to do so. Sirius wasn't coming home tonight. Which meant...James didn't really feel capable of considering what it meant. _Thinking_ that they were...well...was completely different from _knowing_.

It was that moment from 6th year all over again. The moment he'd been forced to face reality. He was _never_ going to have Lily Evans. She would never be his. And now, she was with Sirius. He'd known this all along, of course, but a part of him--a stubborn part in the back of his mind--had clung to a desperate hope that maybe someday...He really was an idiot.

"Did you wait up all night?"

James jumped, nearly falling out of his chair. "I guess so." He didn't really see any point in denying it. He didn't look up. He couldn't.

Sirius sighed, sinking into the chair next to him. "Prongs. Look. I--"

"You don't have to say anything, Padfoot. You did say not to wait up."

"Prongs. I think we both know that is not what this is about."

James looked up. Sirius was wearing the same clothes he'd been wearing last night, only they were rumpled, as if they'd been lying crumpled on the floor all night. Her floor. He forced himself to picture it. To picture them together. Whatever he'd felt last night for Lily was...wrong. He'd been wrong. It was closure. He could move on.

He didn't respond to Padfoot's implication. "I'm making a withdrawal from Gringotts today." He said instead.

Sirius eyes widened. "Your mum's ring." It wasn't a question.

James nodded anyway. "Yeah. I think...it's time to ask her."

Sirius stared at the fireplace and mumbled something that sounded like: "I told her she was taking this too far."

"What?" James replied, wondering what that could possible mean.

"Are you sure?" Sirius was staring at him in earnest now. "Are you really sure _Christine_ is the one you want to give that to?"

No. James nodded. "I'm sure."

"Well...congratulations." Sirius didn't sound like he meant it.

"Thanks." James stood up. "Why don't you and Lily plan on joining us later to celebrate?"

"Sure..." Sirius sounded distracted. "I'll...tell Lily."

James didn't miss the way that Sirius avoided his eyes. "Something wrong?"

"No...no. I'm sure Lily will be..." But Sirius stood up, not finishing the thought. "Good luck, mate."


	5. Chapter 5

He'd never doubted for a moment that Christine would accept--she'd expected it, expected him to propose. They'd been an item for over a year. It was only right, only _proper_ for them to take the next step. Her response, while delighted, was subdued and formal--typical Christine. It left him feeling hollow and empty, which in turn made him feel _guilty_. He _should_ be feeling thrilled. He'd just proposed to, and been accepted by, a lovely, sweet girl--a girl he'd dated seriously for a long time. Instead, all he felt was trapped. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he still think of _her?_ After everything, why was she still in his head?

The bell rang.

James sighed and shuffled slowly towards the door. It was, without a doubt, another in a seemingly endless stream of friends (Christine's), family (also Christine's), and well-wishers calling to congratulate him on his engagement. Christine came from a very old, very well situated family, who had apparently wasted no time in informing everyone even remotely connected to them of Christine's engagement--within hours of it occuring. It was maddening!

James hesitated, his hand on the knob. He _could_ pretend to not be home. He wasn't sure he could take another half-hour or so of pleasant conversation, of pretending to be the delighted finance.

He sighed again and opened the door. Better to get it over with.

"Lily!"

Her face was blank, expressionless. "Afternoon, Potter."

His surprise quickly melted away into something far from pleasant.

"_Sirius_," he said, jealousy making his tone bitter. "isn't here."

Her eyes widened slightly. "I didn't come to see Sirius." She paused, giving him a significant look. "I came to see _you_."

Instantly his pulse was pounding wildly, his stomach dropping into his shoes. He stepped aside to allow her entry, remembering belatedly that it was somewhat rude to leave her lingering in the doorway. His eyes followed her, watching her every movement obsessively. Her eyes looked slightly puffy, rimmed with red. She'd been crying. Did someone hurt her? Did _Padfoot_? James would _kill_ him...

He closed the door behind her.

"I hear congratulations are in order." Her voice was whispery, wavering.

James stared at her with no little concern, wondering what might have happened to upset her so. This...formal person wasn't the Lily he knew. He didn't like it, not one bit.

"Yeah." he said finally, realizing she was awaiting his response. "It was time."

She looked sad, her eyes going pale with some emotion that James couldn't identify. A jolt traveled through him. Was it _possible_ that...?

She took several steps forward, closing the gap between them.

"Congratulations." she said stiffly, placing her hands on his shoulders and standing on the tips of her toes to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek. She didn't pull away immediately--her lips lingered against his skin like a regret.

James froze, his body going completely rigid while his mind processed the sensation of Lily Evans _kissing_ him. On the cheek. But she was still kissing him. If she moved any closer...if he let go, gave in to the feelings crashing over him in waves...

Oh, _sod it!_ He wanted a taste. Just a taste.

He grabbed her roughly, wrapping one arm around her tiny waist while the other tangled into the silky smoothness of her hair. He pulled her into him with a desperation that would not be denied. She stiffened, but made no move to pull away. His sense of honor and decency were screaming at him to quit, to stop before he did something unforgivably wrong. He told it to fuck off, crushing her lips with his--violent and bruising. His teeth scraped her mouth as her lips parted in surprise. James took this as an invitation, thrusting his tongue in to hungrily penetrate her mouth, demanding a response. She obliged, her tongue meeting his just as agressively, tilting her head to deepen contact. She clung to him fiercely, her arms tightening around his neck. She strained and moaned, pressing into him, into his rapidly growing arousal.

He turned her slightly, shoving her bodily against the wall. His hand roamed from her waist to her breast--clutching. There was nothing gentle about how he was feeling right now. Fuck a bed, her wanted to peel off her clothes and ravage her right there.

He really should stop. He was going to hurt her, if he hadn't already. Even now he was struggling to hold back, to control himself. But Lily didn't seem the slightest bit concerned or alarmed by his intensity, by his lack of tenderness. She was picking the pace, increasing the force of her kisses to match his--sucking his tongue and biting slightly. Merlin, he loved her! He clutched at her shirt, grinding into her and rubbing at the wet-hot center of her.

This was wrong. Very, very wrong. He was an awful person. He should stop. Sirius. Christine. He had to stop. He just wasn't able to. Kissing her, tasting the tangy sweetness that was _Lily_, it was everything that his hormone-addled, adolescent mind had ever fantasized it could be.

He tugged at her shirt again, trying to decide whether to try and tear it off or take the time to figure out how it fastened. Damn Muggle clothes. He hesitated too long. Her hands were pressing at his chest, shoving him away from her. Their lips broke apart. Lily was staring at him, cheeks stained rose pink--panting. She reached a trembling hand upward, touching her swollen lips. Fuck. He wasn't done. He made a grab for her but she was too quick. Her wand was out, the tip pressing firmly into his adam's apple. At least it was familiar.

"What," she managed. "the _fuck_ was _that_?"

He didn't answer. There really didn't seem to be one.

The door flew open.

"Hey, Prongs!"

Lily and James both looked at Sirius.

"Lily." Sirius stared back at them, taking it in. "What's going on?"

Lily dropped her wand. "Ask _him!_" She hissed. "Ask your _mate!"_

She pushed past Sirius, making for the door.

"I take it this means we're not going out tonight?" Sirius called after her. Lily didn't reply.

Padfoot walked over to James, his expression curious. "So," he said conversationally. "what did you do?"

Now it hit him. The implications of what he'd done. He wouldn't, couldn't lie to Sirius. Padfoot was his best mate. They were Marauders. Thick as theives.

"I kissed her." he said simply. "I'm sorry."

But Padfoot didn't look the slightest bit upset. He looked...amused.

"_Did_ you now?" He was grinning. "Correct me if I'm wrong, mate, but isn't that rather odd behavior for a bloke who just got engaged to Christine?"

James jaw dropped. "I...what's wrong with you, Pads? I just kissed your girl! Why aren't you more upset by this?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well...she didn't seem to enjoy it much."

"That doesn't really answer my question."

"I should think the answer is quite _obvious, _mate." Sirius paused. "I don't consider you competition."

"Oh..." James looked downward. "Well...I guess Chrisinte and I will celebrate by ourselves tonight."

"You mean...?" Sirius looked puzzled.

"I don't follow you." James admitted.

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing. I just thought...I guess I was wrong."


	6. Chapter 6

"Pray do tell, Christine dear, how _did_ you and James meet?" asked the plump, curly-haired woman who James assumed was an aunt or cousin of Christine's.

Christine cast him a sideways glance, poking him with her elbow in an attempt to encourage him to join the conversation. James pretended not to understand. He was _tired_--tired of this story, tired of this conversation, tired of the entire damn party.

"At Flourish and Blotts." Christine said finally, after deciding that James could not be coerced. "I purchased a number of books for Daddy's research and managed to leave one behind." She smiled at James. "Being the gentleman that he is, James chased me all the way down the street to give it to me."

The woman beamed. "Where he promptly asked to see you on a more personal basis, I'm _sure_."

"Quite!" Christine returned.

James eyes, and his attention were wandering. He hated these types of affairs. He'd tried to talk Christine--and her parents--out of it, arguing that they didn't need an engagement party, considering that between the three of them they'd owled half of England to inform them, but it was a lost cause. Who the bloody hell _were_ these people? Would they all be at the Wedding? Was he going to have to endure them on a regular basis fot the rest of his life? He shuddered. Merlin, he hoped not! He'd go insane. He glanced around, looking for a plausible excuse to escape, and saw...Sirius? He gaped. What was _Sirius_ doing here? These were _Christine's _friends...

"I invited them for you." Christine said in his ear.

"You did?" James suddenly felt incredibly guilty. Here he'd been moping about, grumbling about having to endure her friends and relations and she'd gone and done something so sweet and thoughtful. He was a selfish git. Wait. Them? Did that mean...? James craned his neck about, looking.

"I'm only sorry that only Sirius and Lily could make it. I invited Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin as well, but neither responded to my owls."

James barely heard her. He'd stopped listening at 'Lily.' Lily. Here. Where was she?

"How did you know?" He asked distractedly, feeling Christine's eyes on him and sensing that he should say _something_.

"I called on Lily a few days ago. I was worried when she didn't make our celebratory dinner the other night. I thought she might be ill, so I stopped by with some soup to make sure she was ok."

James shifted uncomfortably. He really was a _complete_ git. Holy, _fuck_. What must Lily have thought when Christine showed up at her door, soup in tow?

"She told me she was fine." Christine continued, eying him curiously. "She was extremely upset. All she would say was that she stayed in because of 'him' to punish 'him.' " Christine shrugged. "I assume she and Sirius had a row. Poor Lily! You really _should_ have a chat with Sirius regarding his behavior. It just isn't right for him to upset her so."

"What," James managed, guilt making his tone sharp. "makes you think that Sirius was at fault?"

Christine raised a brow. "James. It's _Sirius_. Of _course_ it was his fault."

James furrowed his brow, suddenly irrationally annoyed with her for assuming the worst of his mate. Never mind that in most cases, she'd be right.

"I've known Lily for quite some time." James said through clenched teeth. "And she can certainly be difficult to deal with."

Christine's blue eyes widened. "Do calm yourself, James. I'm merely suggesting that you might offer Sirius some advise. Lily is a sweet girl. She deserves a bloke who will treat her properly. With respect. She was certainly helpful to me, giving me the names and addresses of your closest aquaintances to invite to our party." Christine paused. "I think I rather like her."

You wouldn't say that, James thought in chagrin, if you knew the real reason she'd been absent the other night. If possible, James felt even worse. How could he have done that to Christine? To Lily? He didn't deserve either one of them. Christine, he'd cheated on. Lily, he'd compromised. But she didn't exactly push him away! _At first. _Where the hell was she? He scanned the crowd again, his eyes finally alighting on her. She was approaching Sirius and the gentleman he was chatting with, clutching two glasses of champagne. She handed one to Sirius, who accepted without turning to look at her. What the _hell_? What kind of git was Padfoot, letting Lily get his drinks like some kind of barmaid? His eyes narrowed as he watched Lily down her champagne in one fluid gulp. She really shouldn't drink like that. Why wasn't Sirius doing anything? No one at this party was _that_ interesting!

"Go." Christine said softly. "I can tell you want to."

James turned to her in surprise. Was it that obvious?

"Talk to Sirius. You'll feel better if you do." She continued, patting his arm.

Sirius? Oh. Right. Sirius. She thought...no matter.

He kissed her cheek. "Thanks."

"Still," James could hear the over-sized walrus Sirius was chatting with say. "it must be difficult for you, attaching yourself to...someone of her parentage. There are some circles, some of the best circles, that her sort will never be welcome in."

Lily's cheeks were stained red, her free hand clenched in a fist.

"Well..." Sirius said haltingly, clearly at a loss for a response.

James had one. He had several. All of which we end him in Azkaban. How _dare_ that disgusting git address Lily in such a manner? And why the _fuck_ wasn't Sirius punching the revolting doughball's ruddy face in? Well Sirius might not find it offensive enough to act upon, but _James_ certainly did. No one, absolutely _no one_, talked to _his_ Lily that why and got away with it. Even the head of whatever-the-fuck department the bloated git ran.

James cast a glance at Christine, who was engaged in conversation with her Mum. Good. She wasn't paying him the slightest bit of attention. Sliding his wand out of his pocket, he whispered the incantation. It was a spell he hadn't performed in years. One of his favorite, in fact, for tormenting Snivellus.

Instantly, the pompus walrus' pants slid down around his massive ankles, revealing white polka-dot underpants. James waited. A fraction of a second later, the man fell heavily onto his face, his massive girth propelled forward by the waistband of his pants tightening around his legs. The room was silent for only a moment before the laughter began. Christine's aquaintances might be prim and proper, but no one could resist a laugh at that ridiculous scene.

The man leapt to his feet, red-faced and scowling as he struggled to tug his pants back up over his jiggling belly. He pointed a sausage-sized finger at Lily.

"You!" he huffed. "You did that!"

"Are you daft?" Lily replied in a suitably scathing tone. "You were watching me the entire time! I couldn't possibly have!" She paused and flipped a firey ringlet over her shoulder. "But I wish I _had_." Merlin, he loved her! Only Lily would say something like that.

"Lily!" Sirius hissed, aparently conscious of the eyes upon them. "Don't make a scene. This is James' party. We're his guests!"

James had had enough. He sauntered over casually, taking Lily by the elbow.

"Do excuse us for a moment." he said apologeticly to the walrus, who was still huffing and puffing indignantly. "But I'm afraid I must steal Miss Evans away for a moment."

Ignoring the glares the man fixed him with, James steered Lily purposefully towards an empty corner of the room.

"I don't need rescuing, Potter." She grumbled. "And I certainly don't want your chivalry."

"Dance with me again?" he replied, wiggling his eyebrow suggestively.

"Are you mental?" She sounded annoyed, but her body language was telling another story entirely. "No one is dancing."

"So?" He replied with a smirk.

"So, there's not even any music!"

"So?"

"Stop that!" She demanded. "I can't have a proper conversation with you if all you'll do is answer monosyllabiclly!"

He grinned. "Who said I wanted to have a 'proper' conversation?"

Lily sighed. "You never do, Potter. But...I want to." She was looking down at her toes, not rising to the bait. Now that was no fun!

"I need to apologize." She continued.

"Apologize?" Now James was confused. What did _Lily_ have to apologize for?

"For...my behavior." She flushed prettily. "for my behavior the other day."

Oh. Oh! That! But _he'd_ initiated that. She had nothing to apologize for. He'd thrown himself at her. Literally. And...he didn't _want_ her to apologize. He didn't want her to think about it with regret. He _wanted_...

"Lily." He said softly. "Trust me when I say that it was entirely my doing. Don't...don't feel bad. It was my fault. I take full responsibility for it. Is...is Sirius upset with you? Is that why you're apologizing?"

She looked up suddenly, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones. "You...you don't _understand!_" she moaned, clearly torn.

"Then tell me." He replied simply.

"I need to apologize...because I _enjoyed _it!" She whirled away from him, fleeing, her cheeks turning a shade of red that matched her hair.

James watched her go.


	7. Chapter 7

James was having...trouble. He was in bed, with Christine underneath him--and he was having _trouble._ This had never, _ever_ happened to him before. Ever. But he simply couldn't get _there_. It wasn't her fault, really. She wasn't doing anything different than usual. Actually, he reflected, that might be part of the problem. Did she _have_ to just lay there like that, all stiff and unresponsive? He couldn't help but contrast her mechanical movements and lack of _passion _to Lily's firey response to his touch. Lily. The way she'd moaned and clung to him, kissing him as though she'd die without him! The mere thought of it _did_ things to him. The memory of Lily, pinned to the wall and writhing against the length of his erection as it slid up and down the front of her jeans, sprang unbidden to the forefront of his mind...

Oh, _fuck. _Now _that_ worked.

He was going to hell. No question about it, he was a horrible bastard. He should _not _be fantasizing about Lily while shagging Christine. It was just wrong. But, he rationalized quickly, lots of blokes did it, right? Fantasies were normal, just so long as they _stayed_ fantasies. It was harmless. Christine would never know. So what if he pictured Lily beneath him, just so long as he remembered who he was really with?

Lily. Beneath him. Her legs wrapped firmly around his waist, her fingernails digging trails down his back as she screamed his name in pleasure. Or _maybe_, his mind interjected insistantly, _on top _of him? Her dark red hair would tumble over her shoulders in careless waves as she arched her back, clutching at him and moaning, _begging_ him for more.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck! _Now that _really_ worked!

His entire body tensed. He looked deep into Christine's eyes, crying out her name, the name of the woman he loved, as he found release. And Christine looked back, gazing at him with an expression of..._absolute horror_. Wait. Absolute horror? Now that wasn't right...

She continued to stare at him, her mouth opening and closing but no sound other than a high-pitched squeak coming out. Finally she moved, her hands beating against his chest urgently, violently.

"James Potter how _could_ you?!" She was crying, shaking. She shoved him bodily off of her, clutching the sheet about her. He tumbled to the floor and landed--hard. She was bloody strong for such a tiny, frail-looking woman!

He sprang up. "Christine! I can...I can _explain!_"

"_How?_ How could you _possibly?_" Her wand was out and she was pointing it at him.

The truth was, he didn't know how to explain.

"Nothing has ever happened between me and Lily." He said instead, realizing the lie as soon as the words left his lips. Because, strictly speaking, something _had_ happened. If he was honest, really honest with himself, much more _would_ have happened had she allowed him.

"Maybe not," Her voice was wavering. She choked back a sob. "but you _wanted_ it to."

Now how could he in good conscience deny that? Hadn't that very thought just crossed his own mind?

"Christine..." he said helplessly, not really sure what to say.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" She hissed, waving her wand wildly. "Do you think I'm blind? I've _seen_ the way you look at her, the way you follow her with your eyes." This time a hiccopy sob did escape. "I thought...I mean...you _proposed_ to me, James! Why did you do it if you didn't mean it? How could you do this to me? You-you're a right fucking _bastard_!"

James jaw dropped. Had _Christine_ just uttered a _profanity_? She groped at her finger, twisting violently to remove the ring.

"Christine..." he pleaded, but his heart wasn't in it. And she knew it, for her urgency increased.

"Go to hell James!" She pitched the ring at his forehead, striking home with considerable force. He barely managed to catch the ring before it tumbled to the floor. Fuck, that _hurt_. It was certainly going to leave a mark.

But Christine wasn't finished.

"I never, ever want to see you again, James Potter!"

"Christine..." he tried again. She wasn't having it. She brandished her wand with deadly precision, sending him flying bodily out the door of her flat. Once again, on his bloody arse! Well wasn't this just _brilliant_? He stood up, intending to rush back in to reason with her, but the door slammed shut in his face. Locked. Genuinely upset now, James pounded on the door.

"Christine! Christine,_ please!_"

Silence.

"I never meant to hurt you!"

Still not so much as a creaking floorboard to indicate she was even there.

"It was an accident!" He raised his voice and pounded harder. "It meant nothing, I swear!"

It was a quiet complex, and James was being _loud._ It was when Christine's neighbors, most of them women in their sixties, came to investigate, that James realized that Christine had pitched him out into the hallway _without_ his clothes or his wand. Naked and wandless. Fan-fucking-tastic! How the fuck was he going to get home?

* * *

_A/N: I know I should feel bad for Christine, but I had a hard time not laughing the entire time I wrote this chapter. Don't look at me like that! Alright. Alright. Poor Christine. Are you happy?_


	8. Chapter 8

Getting home didn't prove nearly as hard as James had initially feared. He'd nicked a pair of trousers hanging on a nearby clothes line, and if they _were_ lime green plaid and several times too large for his frame, well, it was still better than being naked. He had only walked a few blocks when he had the good fortune to run into Julia Boden, a friend of Christine's, who not only saw nothing amiss about his awful Muggle attire--indeed she'd actually complemented him on his ability to blend in--but she'd mercifully not seen Christine yet, so she had no idea that things were over between them. Thinking on his feet in classic Marauder-style, James spouted off a lame but marginally plausible explanation for his lack of a wand. Julia wasn't bright, not even close. If she had been, she'd have wondered why James didn't seek Christine's assistance. Thank Merlin, for loopy purebloods, for Julia had promptly offered to apparate him home. It was as simple as that.

James' sense of self-satisfaction faded as soon as his key was in the lock, when he realized he had a problem. A _real_ problem. How was he going to explain to Sirius why he and Christine were no longer planning a wedding? Sirius would _kill_ him, and rightfully so. What kind of git shouted out the name of his best mate's girl while shagging his finance? And worse yet, what kind of bastard longed to take said best mate's girl in his arms and shag her till she couldn't walk straight mere hours after things ended with his finance? Apparently he did. Which was bound to make for an interesting and _violent _conversation.

He opened the door slowly and peered in. Ok. So far so good. Now all he had to do was sneak to his room undetected, ditch the Muggle clothes, and hide for about a hundred years.

He crept into the foyer, carefully avoiding the creaky floorboard and started towards the stairs.

"What the ruddy hell are you wearing?"

James cringed, his foot on the step, and turned to face his mate. It was useless to try and avoid it. The confrontation was inevitable. He might as well get it over with... He turned to face Sirius.

"It's...a long story." He replied with a sigh.

Sirius looked him up and down, smirking.

"As it happens, I have nothing but time on my hands. Care to share? Or is this charming Muggle ansemble something Christine is making you wear? If so mate, run now."

James rumpled his hair nervously. "Not exactly." Merlin, where to start? How could he even begin to explain this to Sirius?

Sirius scratched his chin. "So you're going to be difficult, hmm? Well, then, mind if I make a few guesses? Judging from the ring-shaped bruise on your forehead, I'm guessing that things with Christine aren't going well. She dumped your arse, didn't she? Or maybe you dumped her? Either way, I'd be willing to bet my last galleon that you and Christine are no longer an item."

"That'd be a safe bet." James managed.

Sirius let out a whoop. "About damn time! I actually thought that you were going to go through with it." He paused. "I wasn't the only one."

"Look, Pads, before you get too excited, there's something I have to tell you." James dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to look his mate in the eyes in light of what he was about to reveal.

Sirius smirked. "Prongs, mate, I _seriously_ doubt that anything you are about to reveal will come as a surprise."

James drew a deep-breath. "I-shouted-out-Lily's-name-while-shagging-Christine!" He blurted out in a single breath before he could change his mind.

Sirius stared at him blankly for a moment, and James braced himself for the attack.

But Sirius was..._laughing. _He laughed so hard that he doubled over and fell to the floor, rolling around.

What the _fuck?_

"You shouted_ Lily's _name..." Sirius huffed. "While shagging _Christine_!"

"Yes?" James replied in bewilderment.

"Holy..._fuck,_ Prongs!" He kept laughing. "How did Christine take it?"

"Not well. Obviously." James paused. "What's _wrong_ with you?"

But Sirius ignored the question. "Lily's going to _flip_!" He replied instead, continuing to chuckle. "She'll be--"

"You're not going to _tell_ her are you?" James yelped in horror.

Sirius rolled over onto his stomach and grinned. "Of _course_ I'm going to tell her! Why the ruddy hell wouldn't I? She deserves to know!"

"But Padfoot! I mean...this..." James had no idea how to respond.

Sirius sat up. "I guess I should probably explain..."

James ran his hands through his hair. "Please. Because I'm struggling to understand why you're not hexing me for wanting your girl..."

"So what are you going to do about her?" Sirius asked suddenly, his expression suddenly grave.

"About who?" James replied in confusion.

Sirius sighed. "About _Lily_, of course! Who else?"

James' brow furrowed. "Well, nothing, of _course_! She's _your _girl. I'd never do something like that to you, mate!"

Sirius shook his head, a look of pity on his face. "Oh, Prongs! Lily is not now, nor has she _ever been_, my girl."

"Huh?"

Sirius laughed again. "You should see the look on your face right now. _Priceless."_

"I'm not understanding you..."

"Lily doesn't fancy me. She never did. She told me on our second date that she was just dating me to 'hock James off,' as she put it. And as her plan for 'hocking you off' coincided rather nicely with _my_ plan of 'getting rid of Christine,' we struck an accord." Sirius was watching him closely.

"But...she...you...I saw the two of you together!" James stammered, still unwilling to believe what he was hearing.

Sirius grinned again. "_That_? Just a bit of casual snogging." He paused. "There _would_ have been a bit of casual _shagging_ if I'd had my say..."

"But didn't you..."

Sirius laughed again, running a hand through his long hair, which fell back into place perfectly. "Oh I _tried_. Believe me." A pause. "I was pretty pissed. Completely wasted. But she wouldn't let me near the bed."

"But your clothes..." James protested weakly. "How...?"

"She hexed me. She made me lay on the floor all bloody night. She said I couldn't be trusted." He grinned again, sheepishly. "She was quite right. I was horny as hell after her little show."

"So..." James muttered, struggling to work it out.

"So, we're back to my initial question. What are you going to do about her?" Sirius stared at him, waiting.

James hesitated. "That...rather depends. Why _exactly _did she want to 'hock me off'? What did she say?"

Sirius shrugged. "I never really could get a straight answer from her." He grinned wickedly. "I rather think you might have better luck."

"So she didn't say..._anything_? She never mentioned...fancying me or anything?" James persisted.

"Nope." Sirius replied bluntly. "Sorry, mate, I wish I could tell you differently." He paused. "But I rather think it's obvious that she does."

James sighed and sank down onto the floor next to his mate. It was a little much to take in.

"So what are you waiting for?" Padfoot demanded. "Why are you still here? Shouldn't you be running into her arms and declaring your undying love for her?"

James shook his head. "No. Don't you get it, Padfoot? Nothing's changed!"

"Huh?" Now Sirius was flabbergasted. "Not following you, mate."

"She still won't admit that she has feelings for me. It...it's just like _before._ The same ruddy situation from sixth year. And I won't put myself through that again. I _can't._" He buried his face in his hands.

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I do _nothing_. I can't face her rejection again. If she wants me, she'll ruddy well have to come to _me_!"

Sirius punched him in the stomach--hard. "Have you lost your _fucking_ mind? This is _Lily_ for fucks sake! She's free. You're free. All you have to do is _go and get her_, and you're going to sit here on your ruddy arse feeling sorry for yourself over something that happened nearly _three years ago_?"

"Yes." James huffed stubbornly, struggling to talk doubled over and struggling for breath. Fuck that hurt! "I am. And you're not to tell her a single damn thing, Pads. I want her to _want_ me. And she never will if I keep running after her. "

Sirius sighed. "You are a ruddy _fucking idiot_, you know that? You could probably be shagging her brains out right now, if you weren't so damn stubborn! If you'd just tell her--"

"No. I mean it. If Lily wants me, she can come to me of her own accord." James fixed Sirius with a hard look. "And no telling her either. About this _or_ what happened with Christine."

"But--" Sirius tried again, looking extremely disgruntled.

"But, _nothing!_ Promise me, Padfoot." James demanded.

"_Fine!" _Sirius muttered darkly. "I promise. But I still think you're being _ridiculous!_"

"Yeah, well, it's up to her at this point." James insisted, crossing his arms.

"I'm not sure how that follows, when she isn't even aware that you're free at this point..." Sirius pointed out logically.

"Well, then, it'll just prove how badly she wants me." James retorted.

"And they say _I'm_ the idiot." Sirius murmured under his breath.

* * *

_A/N: So I'm guessing that this is not what you expected...don't hate me too much!_


	9. Chapter 9

"What's going on?" James craned his neck to see, struggling inspite of his height to catch a glimpse over the heads of the rest of the Auror class.

Padfoot shrugged. "Not sure. Just got here myself. It's damn lucky Moody's busy or I'd be doing extra laps for a week." He paused. "Where _is_ Moody?"

"Smith!" James called to a stocky blonde. "What's going on? Where's Moody?"

Smith turned to look at him, his expression somewhat hesitant. "Moody announced he had an assignment."

"Already?" Sirius raised a brow. "Training doesn't finish officially for another couple of months."

Smith shrugged. "Special circumstances I suppose."

"What lucky bloke was picked?" James grinned.

"Not a bloke..." Smith cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Evans."

James' grin faded instantly, his eyes flicking to Padfoot--questioning.

"What?"

All three turned to face her, equally startled at her sudden appearance.

Padfoot was the first to recover. "Lily."

He acknowledged her with a flirtaticious grin that made James seethe with jealousy inspite of the certain knowledge that they had never been an item.

"Evans." James managed, casting a warning glance at his mate.

"I heard my name." She replied curiously, cocking her head to one side. "What were you three talking about?"

"Your assignment." Smith looked like he'd very much prefer to be elsewhere. "But since you're back, perhaps you'd prefer to fill them in? Right, then. I'll be going." He headed off to return to the group he'd been chatting with, not bothering to wait for a reply. Lily watched him go, a somewhat perplexed expression on her face.

She shrugged slightly, turning her attention back to James and Sirius. "It's nothing really. Just a bit of...undercover."

James ruffled his hair nervously, his mouth suddenly gone dry. What kind of assignment could Moody have given _his_ Lily? "Undercover?" He inquired, raising a brow at her, the beginnings of a disapproving frown working its way across his face.

"Sure." She replied, nonchalantly studying her fingernails. "Just a clandestine meeting with a potential source. Nothing particularly interesting."

"Why you?" James persisted, unable to keep his displeasure from his tone. Her eyes widened. Fuck. James _knew_ that look. He'd offended her. But that was hardly unusual. It was, after all, what he did best.

"Because I'm the only one the source is likely to trust. To open up to." She tilted her chin defiantly.

"And why would _that_ be?" He had the feeling she was dodging the subject--holding out on him. A sudden thought occured. "Do you _know_ this contact, Evans?"

Her arms folded across her chest the heat of her glare nearly singing his skin. Not a good sign. "As it happens. I _do_. Which is why it has to be me." She paused, her cheeks flushing a fascinating shade of pink. "He's sweet on me."

"And just who is this contact?" He demanded, his hands fisting and his eyes narrowed. He had an idea, an inkling he ferverently hoped she wouldn't confirm.

"That," She said archly. "Is classified information. Given out on a need-to-know basis. And you have no 'need-to-know'."

Padfoot snickered under his breath, earning him a frosty look that he chose to ignore. "Death Eater, then." He put in.

James opened his mouth to scoff at the very idea, but snapped closed abruptly when he caught sight of the expression on her face. "It's true then?" He asked, watching her carefully.

She nodded weakly.

"A _Death Eater_, Evans?"

He was drawing the attention of the other Auror trainees--they were staring. And James didn't give a flying fuck. They could collectively go to hell.

"How did you come to be aquainted with a Death Eater?"

But he knew. He _knew_. There was really only one person it could be.

"Snivellus? Is it _Snivellus_, Lily?"

She sucked in an angry breath. "_Severus_ is the contact, yes." Her eyes met his--a challenge. He took her up on it without hesitation.

"Absolutely not!" He all but yelled at her. "I absolutely forbid it!"

"Prongs..." Sirius grabbed his arm, his voice hesitant, warning. James shrugged him off in a fit of peak, stepping forward towards Evans to close the gap between them.

"It's too dangerous." He added, softening his voice a triffle. "You could be...hurt."

_And I don't want that greasy git anywhere near you. _His mind added. _You're mine. _He reached out to caress her cheek. It was a casual touch, and all the more sensual because of it. He knew if she moved the slightest bit, gave him the faintest indication of desire, he'd be on her, kissing--devouring--those delictable lips. She swallowed, turning her cheek to brush into his hand for a moment. His head descended towards hers of its own accord, the intent clear. She pulled back abruptly, her eyes taking on a stoney glint.

"You know what you are, James Potter? You're the worst kind of sexist. You pride yourself on saying all the right things, but deep down, you still think I'm just a little girl in need of protecting." She poked him in the chest with her finger. "Well you can just forget it, Potter, because I'm more than capable of taking care of myself."

"Are you, now?" He arched an insolent brow at her--an arrogant, skeptical gesture specifcally designed to provoke her.

"Yes, Potter, I am." Her jaw clenched. "I do not now, nor have I ever needed a hero."

"Well that's just too bad, love, because I'm not asking your permission." He grabbed her finger pulling her closer to him. In the next instant, he was cupping her jaw in his hands--rough and abrasive, but utterly provacative. He forced her to face him. Their gazes locked. "I'm telling you how it is." He continued.

"You don't have the right!" She told him haughtily, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip so hard it bled. He followed the gesture with his eyes hungrily, perilously close to losing control.

"Maybe I want the right." He replied, his voice dropping to a honeyed purr.

Her tongue flicked across her wound lip, soothing it in a darkly erotic manner. He lowered his mouth quickly--violently--giving her no time for protest before he slanted his lips over hers. His tongue immediately thrust inside--past her lips and teeth--into the waiting cavern of her mouth, demanding response. She moaned as her tongue clashed with his, eager and needy. Her hands slid down his chest, gripping his shirt and pulling him to her as if she were afraid he'd slip away. He rubbed--grinded--the hard length of his erection against her. She moaned again, her hands moving lower...lower...

Fuck.

Not low enough!

She froze suddenly, going rigid against him. And then she was shoving, forcing him away from her--severing all contact. She looked up at him, breathing heavily, panting.

"If you wanted the right," She huffed, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. "then you shouldn't have proposed to another woman!"

She turned and fled. James watched her go, dumbfounded. He was an idiot, an absolute ruddy idiot! Why the fuck had he been so stubborn? If he'd just told her, told her about Christine, then he wouldn't be in this situation. She'd be his.

And the worst part was...

Padfoot was _right._

For once. And he'd never hear the end of it.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I know it's been ages since I last updated this fic. What can I say? I have no good excuse, save for the fact that I wasn't 'feeling' the story. I'm still not 100 on this chapter. It doesn't feel as if it's on the same level as the rest, but after 6 months, it's time to post. _

* * *

James Potter was fucked, thoroughly and completely.

Evans was nowhere to be found. Crying, furious, about to risk her life to converse with Snivellus, and she had no idea how he felt.

Quite likely, James reflected morosely, she didn't want to be found. If experience--years of stalking her obsessively-- taught him anything, when Evans didn't want to be found, she was damn near impossible to locate. And that was before two years of Auror training.

Which meant James was fucked.

He sighed, deep and shuddering, racked sweaty hands through his disheveld hair and came to the heart-rending conclusion that it was past time to give up. Even if he had a sodding clue where to look, the chances of finding her where minimal. He was too late. He'd waited too long and listened to his stubborn pride instead of his best mate. She was gone, putting herself in unnecessary danger at Moody's behest.

His lip curled into an unattractive snarl at the mere thought of his Lily within a hundred meters of Snivellus.

Snivellus.

Her former 'friend.'

Snivellus, whom she'd defended time and time again until even her unfailing loyalty was strained past the breaking point.

Snivellus.

Their past intimacy still rankled, and the greasy git was 'sweet' on her. On HIS Lily. It was outrageous. His hands balled into fists..

Did she feel something for that pathetic little odd ball, that Death Eater, even now?

What if they rekindled whatever they'd had before?

What if this was about more than gaining an inside source?

What if Evans wanted something to happen?

It was difficult to determine who he hated more at that moment, Snivellus, whose very existence endangered Evans, or Moody, the daft old bastard who gave her the assignment in the first place.

He sighed again.

The way James saw it, he had two options: Stay here in the dark, brooding, or apparate home, find Padfoot and beg for his help.

Option one did have it's merits, the chief of which being delaying the inevitable admittance that he'd been wrong, but throwing himself a pity party in the gloom would get him nothing save for a nasty cold. Option two, while significantly more distasteful and humiliating, had the potential of gaining him Evans, and would happen eventually anyway whether he found her or not.

He couldn't live with himself if he didn't try everything in his power to find her before it was too late.

He apparated.

* * *

It was stuck. The sodding door was stuck.

Unbelievable.

Un-fucking-believable.

He rattled it again, shoving his shoulder into it with all of his might.

It hurt.

A lot.

The damn thing still didn't budge. He gave it another push then stopped and shook his head. He really was a sodding idiot.

He turned the knob and pulled. It opened easily.

James didn't hesitate. He rushed in, slamming the door behind him.

"Padfoot!"

No response.

"Padfoot!"

His voice rose several octaves, shrill and desperate.

He tore down the hallway towards the sitting room, rounded the corner and froze.

Evans.

Here.

Wrapped Padfoot's arms, sobbing pathetically.

Sirius patted her back soothingly, whispering something to her that James couldn't quite make out. He stood there, awash with envy so potent that it rendered him momentarily speechless.

Sirius looked up suddenly and their eyes meet. Padfoot shook his head, a barely discernible gesture, and waved him away with a slight motion of his hand. He mouthed something at James, his face taut with urgency.

Quite predictably, James ignored him, dashing forward to close the distance between them and calling her name. She rounded on him abruptly and violently, breaking free of the circle of Sirius's arms, bright green eyes rimmed with red and sparking with fury.

He took an involuntary step backward.

She folded her arms across her chest, her full lips twisting into a scowl.

Fuck.

He raised his hands upward in shielding supplication.

"Evans," he tried around the growing lump in his throat.

She shushed him with a single upward flutter of her brow.

"Don't 'Evans' me, you bastard," she hissed at him.

James blinked, twice.

"I..."

She took a step towards him, cheeks flushed and chest heaving.

"Is that all you have to say for yourself? How witty, how very articulate!"

"Well.."

He licked at lips suddenly gone dry.

Bloody hell!

It was hard to concentrate. She was close enough he could count the smattering of freckles across her nose (seven),smell the deep musk of her perfume (sandalwood), and feel the sweet warmth of her breath hitting his cheek as she exhaled.

She poked his chest with her finger.

"You listen to me, James Potter,". She began, no doubt preparing to let him have it.

Fuck.

This was not going quite the way he'd envisioned it.

His visions of this moment had consisted of Evans falling into his arms and snogging the breath from him. This tantalizing image was followed by the rapid shedding of clothes. It ended with her naked and pinned to his bed, writhing beneath him.

A furious, scolding Evans was NOT part of the plan.

She went suddenly silent.

It was at this point he realized that she was awaiting his response to a question he'd failed to hear because he'd been too busy fantasizing to pay attention.

Sodding hell.

He was tired of this, tired of the game, tired of rowing with her.

He'd waited for her for years. He stood by, watching, while she dated other blokes, praying she'd notice how much he'd changed for her. They'd served together as Head students. She'd seen first hand how mature and responsible he'd become, but it hadn't been enough. She'd never given him the slightest indication that she was interested in more than the platonic. Where did she get off scolding him?

"Evans," he demanded through clenched teeth. "Shut up."

She stared at him, dumbfounded, her mouth agape. Before she could recover, retrieve her wand and hex him into next week, James took advantage of the situation, of her momentary shock, to grab her and kiss her soundly, shoving his tongue into her mouth.

One hand slid rapidly upwards to tangle into her fiery curls, mussing them into an erotic tumble, the other clutched at her robes, tugging fiercely at the hated material that covered her curves from view, touching her in all of the places he longed to touch. A feral moan slipped past her lips, her eyes falling shut as she kissed him back in unwilling capitulation. She attacked his mouth--furious, passionate, wicked. Again and again, his tongue penetrated the slick cavern of her mouth, his mind wandering to other moist areas he wanted to penetrate. He hardened painfully at the thought and tugged her closer, closer, close enough to feel what she was doing to him.

It was easy, perilously easy to lose himself in her. The rapid rise and fall of her chest as she drew in air in the breath just before a kiss, the flutter of her heart a mere beat from his as she pressed herself into him, as if trying to crawl under his skin, the salty-sweet taste of her exploding on his senses, overwhelmed all rational thought beyond consuming her.

He loved her, he realized, loved her in the obsessive, cliched way Padfoot, Moony, and even Wormtail, had always accused him of.  
She breathed life into him, made him what he was, made him whole. Without Lily Evans, or the hope of her, he was...the sort of bloke that proposed to Christine.

Christine.

Fuck.

How was he ever going to explain THAT?

His lips hesitated for a moment against hers, trying to conjure a believable tale, a tale worthy of a Marauder. the difficulty with Evans was her uncanny ability to see straight through even the most well-crafted stories. She would stare at him, arms folded across her chest, her bright greens narrowed to slits, and declare him to be the most insufferable prat in the history of existence. He'd often swore the girl was a Seer. She was always spot on.

Once again he hesitated too long. Ripping her lips forcibly away from his, Evans stared up at him through the red veil of her lashes, her friction-chapped lips twisting into an enticing pout. He met her gaze with a practiced innocence that had never failed to fool McGonagall.

Her arms tightened convulsively around his neck for a moment--a bad sign to be sure--before dropping to her sides.

He made no move to release her, in spite of the certain knowledge that she wanted him to. She struggled a bit against him, which did nothing to encourage his resolve to speak with her, to talk this out, and everything to stimulate his baser instincts.

He cleared his throat and looked down at her, meeting the intense green of her eyes unflinchingly.

Bloody hell.

Evans did things to him when she was all riled up, things that made his pulse pound and his lips tingle.

She was still staring at him--waiting.

"Listen Evans, about that spot of bother with Christine," he began.

He never finished.

He was too busy controlling his desires enough to stutter out a coherent sentence to see her right hook, which came out of nowhere and struck home, knocking him to the floor nearly senseless.

He lay there, stunned as she gazed down at him, shook her head in disgust and disappeared from view.

In the distance a door slammed.

He reached a trembling hand to his cheek, still trying to process what had happened.

Padfoot stepped into view, peering down at him with barely disguised amusement, his features a masquerade of concern.

"Well," Padfoot said after a moment. "That went well."

James dropped his head back onto the carpet. It was the only response he could muster.


End file.
